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Bullystoppers.com in The Boston Globe:
Dealing with bullies:
Confront them or tell?
Read "Harry Potter" and you quickly realize Lucius Malfoy is a classic bully. So how should Harry respond? Telling a trusted adult -- Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall, in Harry's case -- is the advice given by specialists. But that's just one piece of the puzzle.
Focusing on a specific offense does not correct the underlying problem: a school climate that fosters bullying, says Nancy Mullin-Rindler, director of the Project on Teasing and Bullying at the Wellesley Centers for Women.
Still, when your child is being bullied, it's important to act, especially when he or she feels physically threatened. That means getting an adult involved.
For very young children, Jane Katch, author of "They Don't Like Me: Lessons on Teasing and Bullying from a Preschool Classroom," favors gathering the class together and asking how they think the problem should be handled.
Older children should seek help from an adult, one trained in talking about and responding to such behavior, says Katch, a pre-K and kindergarten teacher at the Touchstone School in Grafton. Too often, specialists say, an untrained adult makes the grave error of bringing the bully and victim together to sort out the dispute, often prompting a fearful victim to clam up and feel even more at risk.
Tom Letson, a bullying consultant to 20 Northeast schools, advocates a more direct approach: Helping children avoid situations likely to spur bullying, a tactic considered controversial among many specialists, who say it's unfair to the victim. Letson, student assistance coordinator for Howell Public Schools in New Jersey, insists it works.
In the two middle schools he oversees, Letson teaches children to walk down the hall with an air of confidence and avoid hallways where bullies hang out. He also teaches children comeback lines as a way to exit a conflict. Examples, available on his website, www.bullystoppers.com, include such phrases as "Why are you talking to me?"
He also gives students common-sense tips to make them less likely targets. "A couple of years ago, I spoke to a sixth-grader who had a Pokemon shirt on. I felt like saying, `I know you like Pokemon, but leave the shirt at home,' " said Letson.
Still, when serious bullying happens, Letson says children must tell an adult.
In his school, Letson has also publicized an e-mail address that students can use to report bullying anonymously.
LAURA PAPPANO
© Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company.
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