Advice on Dealing with Bullies

Tips to Avoid Bullying    Use the Poker Face!    Learn to Effectively Ignore a Bully

Don't Be an Easy Target for Bullies   Ratting vs. Reporting: What's the difference?  

The A.W.A.R.E. Personal Bullying Prevention Plan     How to Use Comeback Lines

The individual skills and strategies lsted above are intened to help empower kids when confronting bullying. The goal is to discourage bullies by providing with less of an emotional pay-off and bolster the victim's self-esteem by taking back some control.  Included are avoidance, selective ignoring, appropriate verbal exchanges, neutral/confident body language and facial expressions, and self control. Teaching such skills to bullying victims is not well researched and some leading professionals in the field of bullying prevention believe such skills promote the message that the victim is primarily responsible for ending the message.  For example, the following excerpt is taken from the New Jersey Coalition for Bullying Awareness and Prevention web site: 

A note about bullying-related websites: There are a large number of bullying-related websites (e.g., a google search for the term 'bullying' in website titles gets about 700 sites), with the number growing rapidly as media coverage of bullying grows and public awareness increases. However, there are only a small number which are useful and (most important) accurate (based on the science or "evidence-based'). An example of a site not being useful or evidence-based would be a site which promotes the message that bullied children are primarily responsible for ending the bullying (e.g., by getting stronger in some way, or by ignoring the bullying). (www.njbullying.org/links)

As a counseling professional dealing with children for over 20 years I continue to be perplexed at such a position. Teaching students how to appropriately confront and/or ignore the mean behavior of another does not necessarily promote the message that they are primarily responsible for ending the bullying.  Teaching students who are assessed as being good candidates to learn and use skills to avoid and reduce the risk of bullying is comparable to the rationale in teaching personal safety skills and tactics.  For example, if teaching rape prevention skills usually includes a strong foundation of awareness, risk reduction and avoidance strategies, why shouldn't bullying prevention? (http://www.rad-systems.com/Articles/community.html) In fact, teaching kids how to deal with bullying should be individualized - what is good for one may not be good for another.