Advice About Bullying
© 2001 by Tom Letson. All Rights Reserved.
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Dealing with bullies/teasers at lunch.
Dealing with bullies/teasers on the bus.
Dealing with bullies/teasers in the halls.
Dealing with bullies/teasers online.
Dealing with bullies/teasers who are popular.
Review some examples of comeback lines.
Is it really bullying or are you being too sensitive?
Move
your seat! Ask a friend to move with you. If
you are not allowed to change seats, ask an adult if you can change it.
If they say no, tell your parents so they can talk to the person in
charge to get your seat changed.
Sit
close to an adult! Bullies can’t bully and teasers can’t tease around an adult – so
sit as close to one as you can! If
an adult who is supervising doesn’t see the problem, please tell a
teacher you trust or your parents.
Be the first one to enter the lunchroom and the first one to leave! Don’t waste time in the halls when going to lunch or when getting back to class after lunch. Wasting time only gives bullies more opportunity to bother you.
Sit near the front of the
bus! Sitting close to the driver will make bullies and teasers
think twice before doing it for fear of getting caught.
Don’t stay silent! Unless you feel that another kid will physically attack you if you speak up, remaining completely silent while kids are harassing you will only give them reason to keep doing it. Try one of the following:
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Directly ask them to stop. |
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Distract them by starting a different conversation that might interest them. |
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Diffuse their attack by giving them some sign their words are harmless to
you (“yeah, right!”) or
try laughing along with them (even if you don’t think it’s funny).
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Sit with friends! There are strength in numbers. You are less likely to be singled out if you are sitting with others.
Always
be aware of who is ahead of you! If
you see a bully or teaser ahead of you, DON’T pass the person and give him the
opportunity to bother you by noticing that you are there!
Take your time and slow down a little so they get farther ahead of you.
Always
be aware of who is behind you!
Don’t
allow a bully or teaser to stay behind you in the hall.
They will most likely follow you until you have reached a part of the
school with no teachers around so they can harass you without fear of being
caught. If you notice a bully or
teaser behind you, stop and let them pass.
Stop in to say hello to a favorite teacher or go to the front office or
the nurses office to say hello.
Go a different way when possible! If your school has a first and second floor you may have a choice of taking more than one way to class. Choose the safest way, even if the safest one is the longest one, it is worth the longer walk to prevent giving the bully or teaser an opportunity to bother you.
Don’t
respond to the message!
Although it is very tempting to tell them off, it is not a good idea.
This may only get them angry and cause more problems for you. They also can print out your message and use it against you
by showing it to teachers or to the principal to say you are bothering them and
not the other way around.
Get
out of the chat room!
If someone is making fun of you or is threatening you in a chat room,
leave that room so they don’t continue to have the opportunity. Take down
their screen name and report them to your online provider.
Print
out any threatening or harassing messages!
You can’t prove it is happening if you do not print out the evidence.
Show the printed out message to your parents.
It is against the law to threaten or harass someone online.
Report inappropriate messages to your parents and your online provider! Most online services will suspend individuals who violate online rules. Let them get what is coming to them and report the violation to get them off the net.
Don’t
exchange insults with popular kids! This
will only make them try harder to make you look bad in front of others.
Try ignoring them when they have an audience or agree with them to get
them to stop: “You’re right,
I’m a terrible basketball player.” Later
when they do not have an audience, you can approach them to tell them to stop:
“Hey, stop making fun of me in front of others, you wouldn’t like it if it
was happening to you.”
Don’t accept getting teased to fit in with the popular group! Some kids tolerate teasing to be accepted by a popular group of kids. If you are hoping they will stop teasing you as soon as they get to know you, it most likely will not happen.
Don’t
hesitate to report the bullying or harassment!
Many popular kids are very concerned about remaining popular, not only
among their classmates but among their teachers.
Mention what is happening to a teacher or counselor you trust.
An adult talking with a student in this situation may be enough to stop it.
Defeating Bullies with comebacks!
The key to comeback lines is to avoid the temptation to trade name calling or personal insults with the bully or teaser. A great comeback line is brief and to the point and leaves the bully or teaser feeling that they did not get to you! Don't forget to always look them in the eye and keep cool - anger is a sign to them that what they are doing is working. Try some of the following, however always remember: if another student is threatening physical violence toward you, don't say anything to him or her - do your best to get away from the situation and to where a teacher or other adult is located.
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"Why do you waste your time saying that stuff to me? Try someone else." |
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"Those things are ridiculous, but whatever." |
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"I don't do this to you. You should really think about that." |
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"I'm not sure why you keep saying these things to me, but it really doesn't matter." |
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"Okay. Finished?" |
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"That's funny, but enough already okay?" |
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"You really got me with that one, but enough already okay?" |
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"Here we go again, Tell me when your done." |
FOR A LIST OF OUR 101 GREAT COMEBACK LINES CLICK HERE!
Is it bullying or are you being too sensitive?
This is a simple definition of bullying and harassment:
Repeatedly doing or saying something to another person for the purpose of physically hurting (or threatening to physically hurt) OR seriously annoying, alarming or embarrassing that person.
Examples of bullying and harassment that occurs in school:
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Someone is threatening to beat you up in school, when walking to or from school, when you get off the bus, while talking to you on your cell phone or while you are online using instant messaging, in chat rooms or by email. |
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Someone is taking something of yours without your permission. |
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Someone is spreading rumors about you or your family. (whether it is true or not) |
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Someone is embarrassing you in front of others by either calling you names or doing something to you (like hiding your book, pulling your seat out from under you, etc.) |
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Someone is telling other kids not to talk to you or be friends with you. |
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Someone continues to shove into you in the halls and says it is always an accident. |
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Someone is sexually harassing you (always following you around, whistling at you when you walk by, making comments about your body, etc.) |
Examples of being a little too sensitive:
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Someone has a nasty attitude with you (talks to you in a nasty tone of voice, etc.) or is being unfriendly (refuses to be around you or sit with you). |
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Someone is calling you names such as "stupid" or saying things like "you don't have any friends" and when they are doing these things they ARE NOT doing it in front of others to embarrass you. |
If you are unsure how to handle the above situations, see your school counselor for some great advice!
Help on deciding when to report a problem:
Use the following information as a guide to help you decide whether you should send a bully report or try to deal with the situation yourself:
Always make a report if any of the following are true:
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Someone is threatening to beat you up in school, when walking to or from school, when you get off the bus, while talking to you on your cell phone or while you are online using instant messaging, in chat rooms or by email. |
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Someone is taking something of yours without your permission. |
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Someone is spreading rumors about you or your family. (whether it is true or not) |
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Someone is embarrassing you in front of others by either calling you names or doing something to you (like hiding your book, pulling your seat out from under you, etc.) |
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Someone is telling other kids not to talk to you or be friends with you. |
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Someone continues to shove into you in the halls and says it is always an accident. |
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Someone is sexually harassing you (always following you around, whistling at you when you walk by, making comments about your body, etc.) |
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If you are unsure whether or not to send a report, please always send one to be safe! |
Try to solve the problem on your own if any of the following are true:
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Someone has a nasty attitude with you (talks to you in a nasty tone of voice, etc.) or is being unfriendly (refuses to be around you or sit with you). |
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Someone is calling you names such as "stupid" or saying things like "you don't have any friends" and when they are doing these things they ARE NOT doing it in front of others to embarrass you. |
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If you are unsure how to handle the above situations, see your school counselor or talk to your parents for advice! |
CLICK HERE IF SOMEONE IS THREATENING VIOLENCE!
What if someone is threatening to be violent?
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Bullystoppers.com bully reports are NOT used for reporting potential acts of violence. PLEASE inform your parents, your school officials and your local police department of this information. Sharing such information is critical in keeping others safe. THANKS! |
Remember: You can always call 9-1-1 to report threats of violence.
Constant bullying and teasing can really make you feel miserable. You may become depressed and need some extra help to deal with the situation. Here are some common signs of depression:
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Not being happy most of the time |
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Being irritable and very hostile (snapping at others) |
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Not wanting to do anything (include things you like to do) |
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Sleeping too much or not enough |
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Not having an appetite |
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Being very negative and having thoughts about hating life |
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Having thoughts of death or dying |
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Not being able to concentrate at school |
These are some of the main symptoms. Depression is a real illness. Sometimes it is short-term (meaning it lasts only a short time) and sometimes it can be long-term (lasts a long time). Sometimes individuals get so depressed they need to talk to somebody or get some medication from a doctor (called anti-depressants).
Hey, please don't be down and blue for long. Things can get better. Please click here for a quick smile: Cheer up a little.
Have you thought about hurting yourself?
Sometimes things get so bad we don't see a way out and suicide seems like the only answer. IT'S NOT! Things can get better. Please talk to someone right now - a counselor, your parents, a teacher, a friend - somebody. You can also call someone right now to talk:
1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE)
Please visit www.suicidehotlines.com for more information.
What if my school does not have Bullystoppers.com?
If you are getting bullied or harassed and your school is not enrolled:
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Please discuss it with a staff member at your school - THEY NEED TO KNOW! Try talking to your guidance counselor about it first. If you are concerned about kids finding out you told, tell your counselor it is important that your name is not used. |
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If you are being threatened or you have information that someone else is in danger please inform your parents and school staff immediately! Threats ALWAYS need to be taken seriously! |
Remember: You can always call 9-1-1 to report threats of violence.
This skill helps to prevent you being seen as an "easy target" to kids who tease and bully.
Kids who are easy targets for getting bullied and teased don't know how to respond to teasing and bullying and show the embarrassment and shock at being bullied and teased on their faces. This is what bullies and teasers want! They want to SEE it bother you! Once they see it bother you they will do it again and again to see the same reaction over and over again.
Use the Poker Face! The term "poker
face" came about from the card game poker. The term is used to
describe how people in the poker game are supposed to make a bets - they use a
blank expression on their faces when betting money (the poker face) so the other
people in the game cannot read the expression to find out if the person betting
money is holding good cards or bad cards. If someone has a happy
face on they have a good hand so the others in the game do not bet a lot of
money. If someone has an angry or sad face on they have a bad hand so the
others bet A LOT of money. Are you starting to get it? The secret to
playing poker correctly is the "Poker Face." The secret to
dealing with bullying and teasing is the Poker Face!
How? Well by keeping an emotionless and expressionless face on while being teased and/or bullied sends the other kid the message that the teasing and/bullying "WILL NOT GET TO ME NO MATTER WHAT!" This prevents the bully or teaser from thinking you are a good target for bullying or teasing. This works! Use it all the time!
Now, in situations when you are using the poker face to keep emotionless on the outside, on the inside remind yourself you are not letting the bully or teaser get to you by imagining this: Na Na! (click)
Bullystoppers.com is a bully and harassment reporting and information website managed and hosted by Tom Letson, MA LPC NCC. Reports filed by member schools on bullying and harassment are automatically emailed to the respective school's contact person and are not previewed by Bullystoppers.com. Visitors to the Bullystoppers.com website are directed to call police to report any acts or threats of violence. Tom Letson MA LPC NCC is not liable for any damage whatsoever which may occur from a threat of violence reported to Bullystoppers.com. in any manner. Bullystoppers.com also provides information to visitors that may be helpful to any individual who desires help with bullying and/or harassment issues. The information provided is not intended to take the place of professional therapy or legal advice. The help of a licensed mental health profession or attorney is strongly recommended for anyone experiencing chronic and or severe bullying and/or harassment issues.
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