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PTA Newsletter Article on Bullying

What Parents Can Do About

Children who are bullied often suffer in silence. On the one hand they want the abuse to stop, but on the other they are reluctant to report it, fearing retaliation from the perpetrator (s) and/or ridicule from their peers. So what can parents do?

First of all, it is important to know what bullying encompasses. Bullying is defined as taunting, teasing, jeering, kicking, shoving, and beating up other kids. It is very important to let the school know of the situation. Once aware of the abuse, we can take measures to appropriately intervene and monitor the situation on an ongoing basis

It is important for your child to understand that ignoring bullying does not make it go away. If ignoring did not work the first or second time, the abuse is going to continue unless something is done. Teach your child to stand up by telling the other student to stop. Explain to your child the difference between tattling and reporting. Tattling is reporting minor rule infractions solely to get someone else in trouble, while reporting is notifying adults in charge of a serious violation of school rules. Insure your child understands that tattling on others may result in ridicule and bullying behaviors by peers.

Encourage your child report problems to a school staff member.  If your child is reluctant to do so, call your child's counselor or assistant principal and report the problem.  Request that school staff handle the information sensitively as to prevent embarrassing your child.

When making a report, it is important to explain where and when the bullying or teasing takes place (ie. on the bus ride home, in the hallway to lunch, etc.) and what the student has done so far to avoid or stop the abuse.

Help your child build a social network as a child who has friends is less of a target. Insist on a buddy system to and from school and in the neighborhood if needed.

You also may want to consider enrolling your child in a self-defense course. Such courses stress self-discipline, self-control, and self-esteem – not voilence.

For more information please visit www.bullystoppers.com for advice sections for parents and students, a discussion forum and a list of 101 Comeback Lines to use when being bullied or teased.

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The Poker Face

This skill helps to PREVENT THE IMBALANCE OF POWER that usually occurs when a child is seen as an "easy target" to kids who tease and bully.

Kids who are easy targets don't know how to respond to teasing/bullying and show the embarrassment and desperation with their mannerisms and facial expressions - which in turn brings more negative attention - more embarrassment - resulting in more power for the teaser/bully and the likelihood it will happen again in the future.

Teach the Poker Face! Teach your kids by showing them - pretend to play poker - 
Show them how they can read your facial expressions in situations in which you have a good hand (look of elation) or a bad hand (look of distress) and how this determines for them whether to play their hand or not.

Now - after they get how the poker face came about have a talk about how maintaining an emotionless face while being teased and/or bullied sends the other kid the message that the teasing and/bullying "WILL NOT GET TO ME NO MATTER WHAT." This helps with self-esteem, prevents "jump on the bandwagon" teasing (other kids joining in after seeing how the kid reacted to getting teased) prevents the imbalance of power and sends the bully/teaser the message that this kid is not a good target. The poker face works and kids laugh while you are teaching them - what else can you ask for?

View an example of the "Poker Face!" (click)

Now, in situations when you are using the poker face to keep emotionless on the outside, on the inside remind yourself you are not letting the bully or teaser get to you by imagining this: Na Na! (click)  

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